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Climbing

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  08 April 2016

Miguel Julião
Miguel Julião*
Affiliation:
Center of Bioethics, Faculty of Medicine, and Center for Evidence-Based Medicine, Faculty of Medicine, University of Lisbon, Lisbon, Portugal
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Information

Type
Poetry/Fiction
Information
Palliative & Supportive Care , Volume 14 , Issue 5 , October 2016, pp. 593 - 594
Copyright
Copyright © Cambridge University Press 2016 

Climbing

It is a ladder.
And I'm climbing.
One step after the other. I'm climbing.
And sometimes I take a rest,
A deep breath into my hurting lungs.
I sit and I look into the horizon and cry.
[“Lazy or depressed” — they say.]
— But I just want some air. I just want to take a glance of an eye, even if it is misty.
I keep climbing.
One step and another one.
I climb this narrow ladder
and sometimes I lose balance.
I almost fall into the deep.
[“Suicidal and weak” — they say.]
— yes, it is true … sometimes I'd like to go.
And when I stop again and look down for some hours,
they don't understand I'm just asking for some bits of who I was.
[“Denial” — they say.]
— I'm just looking for myself — I weakly respond.
And during this ladder of malady
My body hurts and I feel no more strength, my love.
I punch me
I hurt me
I hurt you
and all the world around us.
[“Anger! …” — they say.]
— Yes, but let me feel it! …
But I keep climbing, my love.
And some days you help me
and others you're also too weak to do it.
Some call it life …
It's only a long ladder you keep climbing.
Even if it hurts,
Even when you smile,
Even when we kiss,
Even when we miss each other.
[“You have to be strong and fight” … — they say.]
—It's not a walk, it's a long ladder of malady.
And one day I'll close my eyes, my love.
And I'll fall into something better … not death, but growth.
Do not worry, my love.
Down below I'll be fine …
Embraced in some kind of velvety and warm light.