The sensitivities around children and sex are such that research on the subject almost inevitably focuses on the problems of sex – unwanted pregnancy, HIV infection or sexual exploitation. Rarely is children's sexual experience seen as normal and positive and children's own perceptions are seldom elicited unless they are used to push for intervention and control. In this remarkable book, van Reeuwijk interviews school children in Tanzania about their sexual relationships. She takes a straightforward approach to the subject and discusses the importance that children place on sexual relationships and the enjoyment they can get out of them. She concludes that children do not need to be prevented from having sex but that they do need to have better, as well as safer, sex. Although the title suggests this project to be part of the large literature on children and HIV/AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, this does not do justice to the book's carefully nuanced account of the role that sexual experience plays in children's lives and the large gap that has opened up between adult attempts at regulation and children's own views and understandings.

Despite the acknowledgement that children can and do enjoy sex, the book details very well the ambiguous and difficult negotiations between boys and girls, and the uncertainty on both sides as to what is expected of them. Transactional sex appears to be the norm and money is given and received as a token of worth and esteem. Deception and broken promises are common with boys promising more than they can possibly give and girls ‘skinning’ the boys by taking money but not providing sex in return. Ideas of romantic love play little part in these negotiations. Intimacy is rare, especially that developing over time, kissing is considered disgusting, and sexual relationships are short-term. Girls tend to prefer slightly older partners with more money but not necessarily the much older men or ‘sugar-daddies’ of public imagination. Yet, as van Reeuwijk argues, none of this makes these relationships bad, unfulfilling or one-sided. Both boys and girls deploy strategies to get what they want and, despite its risks, sex is used to build esteem and gain status among peers.

Education and information do not necessarily prevent unwanted sex, although interestingly children are able to use school as a way of refusing sex. There is a belief among the children that they can either have sex or they can focus on their education. Although this dichotomy is not so clear in practice, schooling offers an intriguing way of turning down unwanted attention and refusing to become involved in negotiations over sex and money. Other aspects of schooling are less positive. Sex education is clearly inadequate: teachers are embarrassed and moralistic, focusing on AIDS prevention, even though some warn the students that condoms are inadequate and HIV can somehow seep through and infect them. Children can be whipped and expelled if teachers find out about sexual relationships and some teachers have sex with the girls they teach. Pregnancy is still taught as a problem only for girls and boys remain unwilling to accept responsibility, or to spend money on condoms, arguing that a girl should know when she is fertile and that they cannot be held responsible if the girl is wrong about this or has lied to them.

Parents also contribute to this ambivalence, and while some turn a blind eye if their daughter is bringing money into the family, others will beat their children if they find out that they are sexually active. Not surprisingly, children learn to keep their experiences secret, creating a barrier between them and the adults around them. Information comes from peers who police each other's sexuality, encouraging it in some circumstances, but who are also ready to criticize those who break social norms. Both boys and girls argue that any girl who has accepted money from a boy has a duty to have sex with him, and that he has the right to force her to do so if she has already taken his money.

Van Reeuwijk's book provides a wonderfully rich ethnographic account of growing up in contemporary Tanzania. She tackles a potentially difficult subject in a sensitive and accessible way and her use of children's voices and accounts of their own experiences is very powerful. There are so few books on children's sexuality, and the variety of their sexual experiences, that this book should be welcomed for its rarity value alone. That it is so well written and compelling only increases its worth; it deserves to have the widest possible impact.