FAITH: The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?

NIKLAS: It is. I always thank the higher power for such blessings. It makes me feel good that someone is watching over us, in control of everything.

FAITH: Yes! Exactly! I'm Faith. Won't you sit down …

NIKLAS: [Finishing sentence] … Niklas. Call me ‘Klaus’.

FAITH: Klaus, how could such a beautiful sunset be the result of random chance?

NIKLAS: Obviously it's the work of a guiding hand.

FAITH: People just don't get it.

NIKLAS: I know what you mean. I'm so thankful that Santa Claus didn't hold my mistake against me.

FAITH: Yeah. Some people just don't understand that God …wait, I'm sorry. What?

NIKLAS: I didn't send my Christmas cards out on time last year, contrary to Santa's commands. Well that, and I cheated on my taxes to pay for Christmas presents. I was afraid that I was on Santa's naughty list and I wouldn't get the vacation sunset I wanted.

FAITH: You think Santa Claus made that sunset?

NIKLAS: Of course – blessings and peace be upon him [doing the ‘Santa Gesture’, grabbing his belly mimicking a hearty laugh].

FAITH: [laughing] Do what now?

NIKLAS: I'm a Santa Clausist. Most people call us Santaists. And you shouldn't laugh. It's not polite.

FAITH: Santaist? Really? [sarcastically] Are there Santaist churches?

NIKLAS: Sure. [Forcefully] They're called malls. We have our own sacraments and rituals too – hanging stockings, leaving out milk and cookies. Why? Who do you think made the sunrise?

FAITH: God – obviously!

NIKLAS: God? [sarcastically] Talk about, ‘Do what now?’

FAITH: ‘Do what now?!’ You'll go to hell for not believing in God.

NIKLAS: Really? How do you know? Have you ever even seen God?

FAITH: I don't have to. [Accusingly] Have you ever seen Santa Claus?

NIKLAS: Of course! He wears a red and white fur suit, has a white beard, and his belly shakes like jelly when he laughs. He lives at the North Pole, but I see him at the mall every year. Once, I even saw him putting presents under our Christmas tree. I've had direct Santa experiences.

FAITH: Isn't it more likely those were people in Santa costumes?

NIKLAS: Someone's jealous because she's never seen God. Do you even know what he's supposed to look like?

FAITH: Well… you see, God is more ethereal, non-physical…

NIKLAS: I know what ethereal means, I'm not a chauvinist.

FAITH: I don't think that word means what you…

NIKLAS: [Interrupting] Well, how do you know that God exists?

FAITH: Because I have felt God's presence!Footnote ¹

NIKLAS: A religious experience? Those are a dime a dozen, coming from religions all over the world – religions that you would dismiss out of hand, and all of which lead to contradictory conclusions. And I'm supposed to take your experience seriously? I could replicate it by stimulating your temporal lobe with magnets… MAGNETS!Footnote ²

FAITH: Well… regardless, you should respect my belief.

NIKLAS: Why? You don't respect mine.

FAITH: Sure I do.

NIKLAS: You laughed at me and said I would burn in hell. How is that respect?

FAITH: Well, you can't say Santa Claus created the sunrise – Santa Claus doesn't exist.

NIKLAS: Well you can't say God created the sunrise – God doesn't exist.

FAITH: Blasphemer!!!

NIKLAS: [Dismissingly] Uh huh… We can't both be right.

FAITH: But I know Santa Claus doesn't exist. If we trace his history – it doesn't pan out! Despite popular belief, Santa most likely finds his origins in an old fur-wearing pagan fertility deity that was often called ‘claus’. In fact, St. Nicholas – Nick Claus – is probably just a ‘Christianization’ of that very same non-existent god. Eventually, that idea found its way to the west, and was adapted for an American audience. Clark Clement Moore came up with the ‘chimney entry’ and shaking like a bowl full of jelly, Thomas Nast put him at the North Pole, and Coca-Cola gave him the red and white suit.Footnote ³

NIKLAS: But isn't that just one big fat genetic fallacy? Identifying the origin of a belief doesn't mean that it's false. [A man walks by.] Oh yes. Waiter! I'll have a mojito. [The man gives a dismissive look and keeps walking.]

FAITH: You have misunderstood the genetic fallacy. You can't dismiss the evidence for a claim based on the claim's origin, sure. But if I can show that the origin of a belief in something's existence traces back to something that was just made up – that is a really good reason to think that thing doesn't exist. And I showed that the specifics you believe about Santa Claus, including the fact that he exists, were literally ‘made up’. I mean, come on. How can you still believe that Santa lives at the North Pole, knowing that Thomas Nast literally ‘made up’ the idea?

NIKLAS: Maybe Santa Claus is the one that gave him the idea. Maybe Nast figured it out.

FAITH: We've been to the North Pole. There is no workshop!

NIKLAS: It's invisible!

FAITH: How do you know that?

NIKLAS: It must be. We went to the North Pole, and we couldn't see it.

FAITH: You're being a child.

NIKLAS: You are!

FAITH: Your belief is irrational – it's non-falsifiable. No matter what evidence I show you, you excuse it away.

NIKLAS: Exactly. You can't disprove it. And if you can't disprove it, it's rational to believe it.Footnote ⁴

FAITH: No it's not! That's an appeal to ignorance. You can't disprove anything 100%! But you should still proportion your belief to the evidence.

NIKLAS: You're one to talk about evidence. Your ‘God’ was originally Yahweh, one among many deities that some ancient people, eventually called Israelites, believed in – he was, literally, the ‘god of the mountain’. He wasn't all-powerful, or the only god – he was simply their god, kind of like a patron saint. Over time, beliefs about this deity changed for various reasons – cultural influence and societal need prime among them. Some came to believe that, like Ra and Zeus before him, Yahweh got a son – not Osiris, or Dionysus, but Jesus. Like Perseus and Attis before him, Jesus was thought to be born of a virgin, and like a host of other ‘saviors’ man/god hybrids of the time he performed miracles – healings, exorcisms, resurrections.Footnote ⁵ And, again like Attis, he rose from the dead. Later, a theologian named Augustine read some Greek philosophy and liked their ideas about monism and perfection – so pretty soon God was omni-everything, and the existence of all other gods was rejected. But don't you see? It was literally just made up, and then people kept throwing stuff in – making it up as they went along.

FAITH: Come on, that's the genetic fallacy and …

NIKLAS: But I've shown that your belief originates in something you would reject and that stuff you now believe about him – like about his perfection – got added on. I mean – how can you still believe that God is perfect when you know Augustine just copy and pasted the idea from Plato?

FAITH: Maybe God told him to. Maybe Augustine figured it out.

NIKLAS: Do you know why people point up when they talk about heaven? Because the ancients used to believe that God, literally, lived in the sky. But we've been in the sky. We've been above the sky. He's not there!

FAITH: He's invisible! He's non-physical!

NIKLAS: That is not what the ancient Israelites believed! They thought Yahweh was not only physical, but walked in gardens and even had a face.Footnote ⁶ Your reasoning is like… well, it's as if the ancient Greeks climbed Mount Olympus, didn't find Zeus, and then decided, ‘Oh. Zeus must have moved.’

FAITH: All right, smarty pants. If there's no God, then what explains the existence of the universe?

NIKLAS: Isn't that an appeal to ignorance?

FAITH: Explain it!!

NIKLAS: I don't know. Maybe it explains itself. Maybe it's uncaused. Maybe Bill Gates made it on a laptop. How would I know? How could I know?

FAITH: That's circular reasoning. Nothing can explain itself, and everything has a cause.

NIKLAS: What explains God, then?

FAITH: God explains himself. He's the uncaused causer.

NIKLAS: Uh, huh… and that can be true of God but not the universe because…?

FAITH: God is God. Footnote ⁷

NIKLAS: I see.

FAITH: And what about the universe's fine tuning?Footnote ⁸

NIKLAS: Come again?

FAITH: What do you think the probability is that the universe's laws and forces would have just the right values needed in order for life to evolve?

NIKLAS: Do you know they could have values different than the values they do? I mean, maybe they have the values they have, necessarily. Do you have an argument to show that they could be different?

FAITH: Well, I can assign numbers to those values, and then I can think of different numbers.

NIKLAS: Uh huh – but since there are an infinite amount of numbers, and thus an infinite number of values those laws and forces could have, how could any statement about how likely those probabilities are make any sense? I mean 1/infinity, 2/infinity – anything in infinity is a meaningless probability.

FAITH: Well, I'll just arbitrarily choose a large range of numbers to make sure the probability of getting the right value is really small.

NIKLAS: But if it's arbitrary…

FAITH: And did you know that if the mass of a neutrino were different by the smallest bit of a kilogram, life wouldn't be possible?

NIKLAS: A kilogram? That's kind of a funny way to express the mass of a neutrino?

FAITH: How so?

NIKLAS: That's like saying it's a miracle that Michael Jordan is the right height to play basketball because if he were a fraction of a light-year taller or shorter he'd be a clumsy giant or a little person. The unit of measurement you have selected misrepresents the relevant probabilities. A neutrino is a subatomic particle; kilograms are used to express the weight of a person. Did you know that the mass of a neutrino could be 10 times greater than it is, and that wouldn't affect the probability of life evolving at all? That expresses the same fact that you did.Footnote ⁹

FAITH: Well, if you're so smart, Claus me this. How can Santa deliver all those presents to every kid in the world? He would have to travel so fast, he'd burn up.

NIKLAS: Nah, he could still do it. In his book, the Truth about Santa, Greg Mone shows, scientifically, that with a warp-drive sleigh, dividing his labor among lieutenants, and having them time-travel through wormholes to deliver presents, he could pull it off.Footnote ¹⁰

FAITH: Look. Mone is a smart person – but smart people can come up with ways to justify or explain anything. They stretch reasoning, concoct excuses, change the theory to make it defensible – but that doesn't make it rational. If you merely considered the possibility that you could be wrong, you'd see how bad Mone's arguments are.

NIKLAS: No I wouldn't.

FAITH: His science is awful. He invokes wormholes, but wormholes are impossible to stabilize and control. And to solve the problem, he appeals to ignorance – unknown forms of energy and methods, suggesting that if such things existed, Santa would know about them. Despite the best scientific evidence we have, he concludes that Santa is possible.

NIKLAS: What's wrong with that? Why does science get the last word on everything?Footnote ¹¹ Why can't I just accept those explanations? They're the only way I can continue to believe.

FAITH: That's not rational! And why would you want to believe anyway? Many children, mostly poor, don't get the presents they wish for. Why would you want to believe in someone who could visit every single household in one night with a magic sack of endless toys, but would choose to let a child be sad on Christmas? How mean!

NIKLAS: [Pouting] Santa's not mean.

FAITH: Then why don't Jewish kids, and Hindu kids, and Buddhist kids get presents from Santa? It's not their fault they don't believe. Does he only love children who fawn over him, write him letters, leave him treats? Your Santa sounds like a pretty messed-up guy, demanding that little kids treat him like some kind of milk-and-cooking-eating deity in exchange for toys. Footnote ¹²

NIKLAS: I can't answer all your questions. I'm not Santa. But I'm sure he's got his reasons. Maybe those kids were bad – maybe that's why they're poor. Besides, why would anyone be good unless they thought that Santa was going to reward them for being good?

FAITH: I don't believe in Santa, and I do good things. Besides, I'm pretty sure that if you are only good to get rewards from Santa – you're not really being good.

NIKLAS: But how could there even be a good and bad without Santa telling us what we should and shouldn't do?

FAITH: Wait a minute; are you on the naughty list merely because Santa says so, or does Santa put you there because you've been naughty?

NIKLAS: Because you've been naughty.

FAITH: Then how can you think the concepts of good and bad rely on Santa's existence? Whether you are good or bad is not determined by whether or not Santa puts you on his list; it goes the other way around!

NIKLAS: Who are we to question Santa?

FAITH: We are people with intellects and brains who should proportion our belief to the evidence and rely on good reasoning!

NIKLAS: Well, if it's good reasoning you want, I should introduce you to Kramp.

FAITH: Who?

NIKLAS: My buddy, Krampus. He's Santa clergy.

FAITH: He's what?

NIKLAS: He owns the mall I shop at. He's a big believer in Santa and is an expert on all things Santa. We were supposed to meet at the bar at… well, right about now.

FAITH: Well let's go meet him. Maybe he will ‘set me straight’. Besides, I don't think that guy you asked to bring you a mojito was actually a waiter.

NIKLAS: Sure enough. But I have another question for our walk.

FAITH: I'm sure you do.

[The pair turn to make their way to the bar]

NIKLAS: God's supposed to be so good and so powerful – so how do you explain all the evil in the world? Santa only gives you what you ask for and only if you are good. But, according to you, God is all-good and all-powerful. Wouldn't he want to eliminate all evil, and wouldn't he be able to? How is it, then, that there is still evil? [Triumphantly] If God really existed, he would make all of the little kids believe in Santa and be good, and then Santa would bring all of them presents!

FAITH: [Thoughtfully] I understand where you are coming from, but evil isn't evidence against God's existence. Think about it. A reason for allowing evil – for letting those kids not believe in Santa and be bad? It may seem impossible, but if there was a reason, God would know about it. Thus, despite the evidence, God is possible.Footnote ¹³

NIKLAS: That doesn't seem right. Even if God could have reasons we don't understand, seemingly unjustified evil would at least count as some evidence against God's existence, right?Footnote ¹⁴

FAITH: Well yeah… mathematically that is true… but it still doesn't!

NIKLAS: So if the entire world was destroyed, you'd say, ‘Hey? I'm sure God's got a reason?’ It's looking like your belief in God is indistinguishable from belief in nothing.

FAITH: Well why didn't Santa deliver toys to good little boys and girls before Christianity? Why doesn't he give toys to all good children today?

NIKLAS: I'm sure he has his reasons.

FAITH: Look. No serious adult believes in Santa Claus. But there's a whole collection of academics and intellectuals that present arguments for God's existence, and defend it against objections: Alvin Plantinga, William Lane Craig, Marilyn McCord Adams, Nicholas Wolterstorff, Richard Swinburne…

NIKLAS: Smart people can come up with ways to justify or explain anything. But that doesn't make their explanations rational. And if you merely considered the possibility that you could be wrong, you'd see how bad their arguments are.

FAITH: No I wouldn't.

NIKLAS: If you don't believe in Santa, how do you explain Christmas presents? I asked Santa for a bike and it was there on Christmas morning. I asked Santa for a vacation sunset – there it is!

FAITH: Correlation doesn't entail causation. The fact that you asked Santa for a bike, and then you got a bike, doesn't mean that Santa gave you the bike. There are other possible explanations that are much simpler – like, your parents got you the bike and put Santa's name on it.

NIKLAS: I'm not sure how adding in my parents makes it simpler. I asked for a bike, and I got it. What more do you want?

FAITH: I want the clarity and confidence by which I know that God answers prayers.

NIKLAS: And how do you get that?

FAITH: Melanie Pritchard. Her life's work is devoted to the teachings of Pope John Paul II, as an advocate of pro-life causes, modesty and chastity. When childbirth put her life in danger, the call for prayers, most specifically to the late John Paul himself, went viral and worldwide. Despite an embolism, her heart stopping, and the doctor's giving her almost no chance of survival – she did! ... just as prayers were being lifted up to John Paul from all over the world. The doctors might not have been able to explain it, but I can. God answers prayer!Footnote ¹⁵

NIKLAS: I thought correlation didn't entail causation.

FAITH: Pardon?

NIKLAS: You said that just because you ask for something right before you get it does not mean that the asking is what caused you to get it.

FAITH: Oh, that doesn't apply to prayer.

NIKLAS: Why not? There are much simpler explanations. I mean, there is so much we still don't understand about how the body works, and how it heals itself. You can't just jump to the conclusion that God did it. I mean, I read that article – her condition wasn't even guaranteed to be fatal. Many survive it. Many people inexplicably survive a lot of things. Given the number of people that are in and out of hospitals everyday – it's no surprise that some of those survivals are preceded by prayer – and are reported because of it. What about all the times that prayers weren't answered?

FAITH: God always answers prayers; it's just that sometimes the answer is no. God knows best. He is all knowing and all-powerful.

NIKLAS: WHAT? You just completely contradicted yourself.

FAITH: How so?

NIKLAS: You suggested that John Paul appealed to God on behalf of Melanie?

FAITH: Yeah.

NIKLAS: Because God wasn't going to save her otherwise.

FAITH: What are you getting at?

NIKLAS: So what did John Paul do? Convince God that healing Melanie was the right thing to do – or that he should do the right thing? How in the world can you convince an all-knowing all-good being that something is the right thing to do, or to do it? Wouldn't he already know? Wouldn't he already be going to do it? If healing Melanie were the right thing, wouldn't it already be in the all-perfect being's day planner?

FAITH: Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do until he asked?Footnote ¹⁶

NIKLAS: So I suppose that I didn't want that bike for Christmas until I asked for it?

FAITH: Doesn't Santa see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake?

NIKLAS: So says the sacred hymn.

FAITH: Then why do you have to ask him for gifts at all? I mean, if Santa is such a ‘know-it-all’ – wouldn't he know what you wanted without you asking? And how could he know if you were going to be good right up to Christmas Eve? He can't make all those toys the night before, even with that army of elf-slaves. And he can't make toys for everyone, just in case they're good. He has to be making that naughty or nice list, and the appropriate presents, long before you have been nice all the way through Christmas Eve. So how does he know?

NIKLAS: Santa just knows – he knows whether you will be naughty or nice even before you are naughty or nice.

FAITH: Can he get it wrong?

NIKLAS: Of course not! He's Santa.

FAITH: So let's suppose that, a week before Christmas, Santa already knows that you are going to be naughty – say, that you are going to decapitate your sister's Barbie doll on Christmas Eve. If Santa can't be wrong, how could you do anything but decapitate the doll? And if you can't help but do it, how could that get you on the naughty list?

NIKLAS: Well, it's not like Santa made me do it.

FAITH: You're missing the point – I didn't say that Santa made you do it. But if Santa knew your action before you did it, then your action was already determined.

NIKLAS: But I could still decide to not do it. If I did decide not to do it, then Santa would have already known that I would decide not to, and would have already made me my present.

FAITH: How the hell does that even make sense? Santa has already put you on the naughty list – and already neglected to make you presents. He can't go back and undo that; once something has occurred, it's occurred. But you think you can still decide not to decapitate the Barbie because, if you did, all of that stuff that already happened – that you can't do anything about – wouldn't have happened?Footnote ¹⁷

NIKLAS: [Sputtering] Well, but, but… ok, Then how does your God's foreknowledge not threaten your free will?

FAITH: Well, it's not like he makes me do anything.

NIKLAS: Finally, we made it to the bar.

FAITH: That was a long walk.

NIKLAS: It was kind of ridiculously long.

FAITH: I almost forgot we were walking. This beach must be huge!

NIKLAS: And there's pastor Krampus, by the pool. [Yelling] Hey Kramp!

[An older looking, and noticeably hairy, shirtless man sitting by the pool turns his head. He reaches for his cane.]