Alexis: You know how I've been feeling kind of unhappy lately? Well, the other day, when I was running to catch a subway train, I had an epiphany: I realized that it's the hectic, crazy pace of life in the city that's the problem. I need to get out of here! So I made a decision: I'm going to move out to the country.

Mitra: Yeah, the city can be pretty hectic. But if you're trying to become a happier person, I don't think it's such a good idea to rely on a random ‘epiphany’. You know, there's a whole science of happiness now; psychologists have done tons of studies, and some of them have written books with evidence-based advice. And I have to say, based on the research, I don't think your plan is likely to be effective.

Alexis: Oh, yeah? Why not?

Mitra: Well, for one thing, if you move to the country, you'll have a much longer commute. And there's a large body of research showing that the longer your commute, the less happy you are. I mean, I guess you could commute less often if you take on fewer projects – but then your income would go down, and a correlation has been established between income and reported life satisfaction. Moreover, all your friends are in the city, and studies show that spending time with friends is a major contributor to happiness. So I don't think you should move to the country. Instead, you should do things that science has shown really work. For example, did you know that if, every day, you write down three things you're grateful for, your happiness will increase? Also, you should spend more money on experiences, and less money on things – that's been shown to increase happiness, too. You should also start meditating. Not only does meditation increase happiness, but it makes you smarter, too, and healthier!

Alexis: Boy, you've been spending a lot of time reading these books, haven't you?

Mitra: You bet. I'm going to change my life. I'm going to be so much happier. You should too!

Alexis: I have to say, I'm not convinced. I actually did try keeping a gratitude journal for a while. At first, it was kind of fun. But after a week or so it got really annoying. I have a lot to do in the evenings, and it just added to the list of chores.

Mitra: Well, if you want to be happier, you have to make it a priority. And anyway, there are other things you can do, like meditate, spend less money on things, etc.

Alexis: I'm willing to make happiness a priority. But what I'm saying is I don't believe it actually did make me happier. I think it made me less happy. I'm willing to believe it works for some people. But it didn't work for me. I tried meditation, too, and that didn't work for me, either. Last year Candace and I went to the meditation centre every day for a whole month. We meditated for 30 minutes every evening, and in the end I decided it was a waste of time. I'm a doer: I like to be active, to move. I already have to sit too much for work; the last thing I want to do in my free time is sit some more. Finally, I don't spend very much money on things. I'm not a big shopper. Mostly what I buy are books, and I love my books. I'm not going to stop buying them. Maybe meditation, or gratitude journaling, or buying fewer things works for some people, but it doesn't work for me. I know what I need: Solitude. Nature. Fresh Air.

Mitra: Well, there are some studies showing that spending time in nature makes you happier, so that part might be good, but I think it's irrational of you to just dismiss all the research that's been done. You think that meditation and gratitude journaling didn't make you happier, but they probably actually did make you happier, you just don't realize it. These things require self-discipline, and you don't want to put in the effort, so you want to believe that they didn't help you. But most likely they did. After all, like I said, there are tons of studies on this. For most people, meditation, gratitude journaling, etc. improves happiness. What are the chances that you're different? Look, here's an analogy: Let's suppose you had a medical problem, like high blood pressure, and the medical experts tell you that reducing salt intake will reduce your blood pressure. Wouldn't you believe them? You wouldn't be like, ‘Well, maybe that works for 99 per cent of the population, but I'm different; reducing salt intake won't reduce my blood pressure.’ Whether you're trying to reduce your blood pressure or increase your happiness, the rational strategy is the same: take the advice of the experts who know the research.

Alexis: Well, first of all, I'm not so sure we should trust this so-called science of happiness. Scientists know how to measure blood pressure, but do they know how to measure happiness? Aren't most of these results just based on what people self-report on questionnaires? There are any number of reasons why reported happiness might not line up with actual happiness. Also, you know it's a mistake to infer causation from correlation, but in some of your arguments you seem to be doing just that. Moreover, haven't you heard about the replication crisis in the social sciences? A team of scientists recently tried to replicate over 100 randomly chosen published studies, and found that, in most cases, the results didn't hold up. Additionally, I heard that, in anonymous surveys, a majority of scientists report having done things like p-hacking (which is really bad – you should look it up), or otherwise violating best methodological practices. In some cases it came out that the data in published studies had been completely fabricated! But my main point is this: I don't think your analogy is the right one. Here's an analogy that I think is better: figuring out what kinds of food you like. For example, let's say you're going out for ice cream with friends, and you're trying to decide what to order. You've tried lots of different kinds of ice cream in the past, and you know what you like: you love licorice ice cream. So, you decide to order that. But then a friend comes up to you and says: ‘Look at this study! Over 98 per cent of people gave licorice ice cream a very low rating. So, you shouldn't order it. After all, what are the chances you're in that other 2 per cent?’ But here's the thing: in this case, your friend would be wrong. You know you're in that 2 per cent, because you've tried it before, and you liked it.

Mitra: Well, like I said before, I think the happiness case is different (at least in your case!) because you want to believe that certain things will make you happier, and that other things won't. You don't want to believe that meditation and gratitude journaling will make you happier, because you're infatuated with this hermit-in-a-cabin-in-the-woods fantasy. (Have you been reading Thoreau recently, by any chance?) If the person in the ice cream store had some strong independent motivation to think they liked licorice ice cream, I'd be suspicious of their claims, too.

Alexis: But see, I don't have any special motivation to have any particular beliefs about what will make me happy. I did the experiment, in a totally unbiased way: I tried meditation; I tried gratitude journaling; they didn't work. I think I know better than your ‘experts’ what will make me happy. It may not be right for most people, but a solitary existence in the woods is just what I need! I've already found the perfect place to rent, and I'm putting down a deposit today.

Mitra: Ok, well, I don't agree with you, but I see I can't convince you. For your sake, I hope I'm wrong and you're right! Be safe out there! And don't forget to get in touch sometime when you're back in town!

Alexis: Ok, will do!

Mitra: It's great to see you again! How have you been? How is your hermit-in-the-woods experiment working out?

Alexis: It's been great. The best decision I've ever made!

Mitra: Really? I'm glad to hear it. I have to say, though, I'm rather surprised. Are you sure you're really happier overall? How have you been dealing with the long commute? And isn't the solitude difficult?

Alexis: Well, I admit the commute can be frustrating. Sometimes I'm sitting in traffic for an entire hour! Often I have a really bad headache by the time I get to work. (I just take a tylenol, though, and I'm fine.) And it is true that sometimes I miss my friends. Like last week, when it was Candace's birthday, I felt sad to miss the party. But I'm definitely happier overall. Every morning I look out of the window from my kitchen table, and see this gorgeous sunrise over the lake. Every evening I go to sleep listening to the calls of the owls and the Whip-poor-wills. It's so peaceful out there. It's totally worth it!

Mitra: Well, I hope you're right. But I have to say, I'm not convinced you really are happier on the whole. There are definitely advantages, but you admit that the commute is frustrating, and that you get lonely. How can you be sure, when you're trying to make a judgement about whether you're happier on the whole, that you've got everything weighed up and added up just right? I still worry that your preconceived notions about what was going to make you happy are getting in the way. You were so convinced from the beginning that this move was going to be for the best; maybe that's why you're so convinced, now, that it was. Won't you at least consider moving back to the city, and try to have an open mind about whether you're better off?

Alexis: But I did have an open mind about it in the first place; I performed the experiment, in an unbiased way, and the result is that now I know I'm better off in the country than the city. I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree about this one: there's no way I'm giving up my country sanctuary! But what about you? How have you been?

Mitra: Oh, I'm great! I've been following all the expert advice for how to become happier, and it is definitely working. I go to the meditation centre every evening, and I keep a gratitude journal. Also, I started going to lunch with my sister every Saturday – you know, one of the most robust findings in the literature is the strong correlation between happiness and time spent with family members.

Alexis: For your sake I hope you're right, and that all of these things really are making you happier, but I have to say, I'm starting to wonder whether you're being led astray by your trust in the happiness ‘experts’. Isn't the meditation centre a really long drive from your place? Are you sure it's worth it to go every evening? And I thought you didn't get along with your sister very well. Don't you guys have a tendency to get into fights?

Mitra: Well, yes, the meditation centre is a long way away. It does kind of take over my whole evening. I don't have much time to chill out and read novels, or hang out with my cats, anymore, and I do miss those things. And, as a matter of fact, my sister and I have been arguing a lot. Sometimes I dread seeing her. So, yes, there are some downsides, but I'm definitely happier overall. Meditation is so peaceful, and I feel like things are slowly improving with my sister (though there are definitely backslides). And, after all, the best, most up-to-date scientific research is on my side!

Alexis: I can see I'm not going to be able to shake your trust in your ‘happiness experts’, and you're not going to be able to shake my trust in my own sense of what makes me happy. On these matters we'll just have to agree to disagree. But, speaking of the research on happiness, after our last conversation, I thought I'd look into it a little bit. One thing I noticed is that some studies claim that people who believe in God are happier, on average, than people who don't. But that made me wonder: supposing the researchers are right in this case – supposing that believing in God would make me happier – would it follow that I ought to believe in God? I mean, if God doesn't actually exist, I would end up believing something false! Isn't there something valuable about believing the truth, whether or not it makes you happy? And then I started wondering: does it really make sense to focus so much on the pursuit of our own personal happiness, anyway? I mean, what about helping other people, for example? Shouldn't we be trying to do that, even if it doesn't make us happy?

Mitra: Well, I have some good news for you: there's not necessarily a tension between helping people and improving your own life, because studies show that performing acts of kindness makes you happier. For example, I started volunteering in the afterschool programme at our local elementary school, and it has become the most meaningful part of my week. You should try it!

Alexis: Boy, with you it's always more studies, isn't it! I have to say, though, even if these studies are right, I'm not sure we should help other people because we think doing so will make us happy.

Mitra: I do like my studies! But, yes, I agree with you that we should try to do what we can to help other people, regardless of whether or not it makes us happy. I mean, I'm a big fan of the pursuit of happiness (as you know!), but I'll be the first to admit that it shouldn't be your top priority in life.

Alexis: Now that's something we can agree about! You know, people like us are so lucky – we have so many advantages – and there is so much help needed in the world. I like your idea of volunteering in schools. I think I'll look into that.

Mitra: You should! By the way, I recently came across some studies about how to help other people in the most efficient way possible.

Alexis: Oh, really? (Why am I not surprised?)

Mitra: Absolutely! Let me tell you about them …