It is June, 2002. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has just stepped on to the stage at the end of a concert in celebration of her Golden Jubilee. Her son and heir, His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, approaches her. He inclines his slightly greying head to his monarch. He speaks: ‘Your Majesty…’. He pauses for a fraction of a second, and then continues: ‘Mummy …’. A sharp intake of breath is heard across the land. Why?

Just how do native English speakers in England address their maternal parent? Here is a short guide.

Mamma: Fine for Jane Austen's Marianne Dashwood in 1811.Footnote ² To be avoided at all costs 200 years later, unless used facetiously. By the middle of the nineteenth century, Charles Dickens was using the spelling Mama.Footnote ³

Aged P: No! No! A thousand times no! Like Dickens' character,Footnote ⁴ you should reserve this title exclusively for your male parent. The facetious tone may amuse or infuriate the object of your affections.

Mother:

1. (i) Now considered to be exclusively used by the middle class and still acceptable as a vocative, but rare. Commonly associated with sentimental World War I songs.Footnote ⁵ Hints at a high level of formality and possibly a certain element of affectation.

2. (ii) A regional form of address used by a man to his partner if she has children, particularly associated with the north of England.Footnote ⁶

3. (iii) A possible form of ecclesiastical address, the female equivalent of ‘Father’, within the Anglican Church. Not necessarily welcomed as such by some (possibly many) members of the clergy.Footnote ⁷

Mater: Do not use! Even public schoolFootnote ⁸ boys only ever used this jokingly. Ignore the ‘Billy Bunter' novels:Footnote ⁹ the Bunter character is a thorough parody of early-twentieth-century upper class adolescents.

Ma /mɑː/: At the other extreme from Mater. It belonged firmly to the working and upper classes (rather than to the middle class) up to about the 1960s and has since become defunct. Some 50 years ago, the author of this article regularly heard the word used by children to address and to refer to their mother.Footnote ¹⁰ Men would be heard using Ma to refer to the mother of their children.Footnote ¹¹ Neither usage was considered polite in middle class circles.

Mum /mʌm ~ mʊm/:

1. (i) A short, intimate word, happily used in World War I by ANZAC servicemen in letters home.Footnote ¹² It can therefore be recommended, particularly in informal situations.

2. (ii) Used as a form of address (see also ‘Mother’ and ‘Mummy’ above) from a man to the mother of his children, ‘Mum’ is – to say the least – frowned upon.Footnote ¹³

Mum, Mummy, The Mother: Used mainly by pompous obstetricians too lazy to learn their pregnant patient's name.

Mom /mɒm/, Mommy (British usage): fiercely defended and used by my daughter-in-law who is a true Brummie (brought up in Birmingham in the West Midlands of England). Despite living in London and working as a professional story teller, she still loves her /mɒm/. This very English ‘mom’ is not to be confused with …

Mom /mɑm/, Mommy (North American usage): Delightful when used by Americans. Distasteful to little Englanders when used by native UK English speakers.

Mam /mam/, Our Mam / aʊə mam/: Expressions best left to those who can pronounce them correctly. These experts live mainly in the north of England and Wales.Footnote ¹⁴ English ‘Southerners’ and non-native speakers attempting such expressions sound merely pretentious.

Mumsy, Mumsie /mʌmzi/: First used in the 1870s but best forgotten in the 21^st century.Footnote ¹⁵ May, at a stretch, be acceptable as an adjective.Footnote ¹⁶

Mummy: Although a development of ‘mamma’ (see above), by the mid-twentieth century it became quite acceptable for small children to call their mother ‘mummy’.Footnote ¹⁷ Unlike the French maman, which can be used by a son or daughter at any age, in any region and in any context, ‘mummy’ is disconcerting to most people when used by any male over the age of about 12. When used by a daughter aged 12 or older, it is is deemed slightly precious.

So how should Charles, Prince of Wales, address his mother? He took the British public aback when, in 2002, he called his sovereign ‘Mummy’. Ten years have passed. It is now June 2012. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has stepped on to the stage at the end of a concert in celebration of her Diamond Jubilee. Her son and heir, His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, approaches her. He inclines his grey head to his monarch. He speaks: ‘Your Majesty…’. He pauses for a fraction of a second, and then continues: ‘Mummy…’. A huge cheer is heard across the land. Why?

Charles has not made the word fashionable. All the rules given above are still in force. What Charles has done is to oblige his future subjects to see that he is happy to parody the aristocratic class to which he belongs. If he wishes to use the language of the nursery – he is jolly well going to do so. Well done, sir!