The Latin slogan iudex non calculat is on the rise. It appears in well over thirty English-language journals and a federal court decision in the United States; in Germany, more than sixty law journal articles mention the phrase in their titles alone, and German members of parliament have used it more frequently in the years 2020–2023 than in most previous decades combined. The phrase gets invoked as an “ancient”, “antique”, or “Roman” maxim of legal and political practice in Europe and the U.S. alike. Does this show how shared history unites even dissimilar legal systems? Hardly so. There is no general understanding of what the maxim is supposed to mean, or where it actually originated, or what rhetorical effect it serves. An exploration of these questions reveals a fascinating story of intellectual export across the Atlantic: The phrase is not, as commonly assumed, of Roman or antique origin, although it must be considerably older than 1850. It must have originated in Germany, where we find the oldest occurrences and whose authors, topics, and journals clearly drive its international propagation since 1947. There are at least four different interpretations of the maxim, each with opposing connotations, making it a versatile tool in lawyers’ rhetorical kit. While academics seem to use it mostly to produce an aura of erudition and epistemological authority, politicians employ it as an offensive or defensive quip mostly among male conservatives. Among German law students, it is by far the best-known principle, maxim or proverb related to law and numbers, although students, too, disagree about its exact meaning. While they acknowledge that the maxim has become part of German lawyers’ professional identity, many wish it were otherwise.