NOTES ON THE RITUALS REFERENCED BY THE POEMS

The Jewish rituals of mourning are designed to lead the mourner into and then gradually out of the deepest expression of grief. This suite of poems follows the course of grief through the traditional Jewish calendar of rituals for mourning. (Lest the reader become confused—different deaths are referenced by each poem.)

Burial: Jewish law and custom call for burial to occur as quickly as possible after the death, often within 24 hours.

Yizkor: A memorial service recited four times per year in the synagogue. In some congregations, it is the custom for people to stay for the service only if their parents or significant family members have died. Once a parent has died, a child recites Yizkor for the rest of his or her life.

Minyan: The minimum of 10 Jewish adults needed to form a congregation. Certain prayers are recited only in the presence of a minyan.

Shiva: Hebrew for seven. After a death, the first period of mourning observed by the family lasts for seven days. The mourners stay at home and observe many customs to express their grief. Members of the congregation come to the house to make up a minyan so that certain prayers can be said.

Shloshim: Hebrew for thirty. After the period of Shiva ends, mourners leave their house and return to work or school. However, they continue to abstain from music, parties, and other forms of celebration during the shloshim period.

Kaddish: The root of the word kaddish means holy or consecrated. Different forms of the Kaddish prayer are recited to mark transitions from one part of a religious service to another and to close periods of religious study. A particular form of the kaddish, known as the Mourner's Kaddish, is the prayer most associated with mourning. The prayer is striking in that it says nothing about death or loss, but is a powerful affirmation of God's greatness. There is a mystical belief that saying the kaddish in the year after someone's death can help their soul ascend to God.

Shofar: The ceremonial ram's horn that is blown in synagogue every day in the month preceding the New Year. It is also blown in a ritual pattern on Rosh Hashanah, the holiday of the New Year.

Unveiling: The tombstone or grave marker is not placed at the gravesite at the time of burial. A simple ceremony is held to “unveil” the marker, usually 11 months to a year after the death. After the unveiling, the formal period of mourning ends, and the mourners return fully to ordinary routines and religious duties. When visiting a cemetery, it is customary to leave small stones or pebbles on the grave or headstone. It is also customary to wash one's hands when leaving a cemetery.