In August 2026, Beijing hosted the second World Humanoid Robot Games, where machines boxed, danced, and tossed arrows into a bronze vessel in a game descended from Confucian ritual. It is a good moment to watch two word-histories collide. “Robot” entered the language in 1920 as the Czech word for forced labor; “human” and “humane” were once a single word that quietly split. We have built machines in the servile image our vocabulary foretold, and in the same decade asked it for tenderness. Drawing on shipment figures, billboard campaigns, empathy research, and the odd afterlife of a Barcelona doll brothel, I argue that companion machines sell intimacy without obligation—and that the humane, unlike the human, is a practice that must be trained.