Appendix I: "Yankee Phrases"

As sound as a nut o'er the plain, I of late whistled chuck full of glee; A stranger to sorrow and pain As happy as happy could be. As plum as a partridge I grew, My heart being lighter than cork My slumbers were calmer than dew! My body was fatter than pork! Thus happy I hop'd I should pass, Sleak as grease down the current of time But pleasures are brittle as glass, Although as a fiddle they're fine. Jemima, the pride of the vale, Like a top nimbly danced o'er our plains: With envy the lasses were pale— With wonder stood gaping the swains. She smil'd like a basket of chips— As tall as a hay pole her size— As sweet as molasses her lips— As bright as a button her eyes. Admiring I gaz'd on each charm, My peace that would trouble so soon, And thought not of danger nor harm, Any more than the man in the moon. But now to my sorrow I find, Her heart is as hard as a brick: To my passion forever unkind, Though of love I am full as a tick. I sought her affection to win, In hope of obtaining relief, Till I, like a hatchet, grew thin, And she, like a haddock, grew deaf. I late was as fat as a doe And playful and spry as a cat: But now I am dull like a hoe, And as lean and weak as a rat. Unless the unpitying fates With passion as ardent shall cram her, As certain as death or as fates, I soon shall be dead as a hammer. ("Yankee Phrases," 1803)