According to self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, Reference Deci and Ryan2012), individual differences and contexts predict well-being by either supporting or thwarting people’s ability to meet three core psychological needs – relatedness, autonomy, and competence. From this perspective, romantic relationships are particularly important for well-being because their interdependent nature makes partners especially dependent on one another to fulfill all three (Knee et al., Reference Knee, Hadden, Porter and Rodriguez2013). In their target article, Wahring, Simpson, and Van Lange focus almost exclusively on the extent to which romantic relationships are linked to men’s versus women’s needs for intimacy, i.e., relatedness needs. Although we largely agree with these arguments, we argue that relationships are more strongly linked to women’s (versus men’s) ability to meet their autonomy and competence needs, making the ultimate importance of such relationships to men versus women more ambiguous.

For example, several pieces of evidence suggest that men are more likely than women to offer support that undermines partner autonomy and competence. Using a daily diary study of different-sex couples, Neff and Karney (Reference Neff and Karney2005) demonstrated that, on days in which they experienced more (versus less) stress than usual, both men and women were equally likely to provide their partners with support; however, unlike women, men coupled such support with oppositional behaviors, like criticism, that likely undermine not only women’s relatedness needs, but also their autonomy and competence needs (Deci & Ryan, Reference Deci and Ryan2000). Likewise, Hammond and Overall (Reference Hammond and Overall2015) used a sample of different-sex couples engaging in discussions of personal goals to demonstrate that women who endorsed benevolent sexism were more likely to provide their male partners with relationship-oriented support, fulfilling their relatedness needs; in contrast, men who endorsed benevolent sexism were more likely to provide their female partners with dependency-oriented support, thwarting their competence.

As another, and more extreme, example, women are more likely than men to experience negative outcomes due to psychological and physical aggression. Although men and women perpetrate such aggression at similar rates (Straus, Reference Straus2011; Straus & Michel-Smith, Reference Straus and Michel-Smith2014; but see Archer, Reference Archer2000), women’s smaller physical stature and lower relative power make them susceptible to severe emotional and physical consequences (Hamby, Reference Hamby2016; Johnson, Reference Johnson2008). Indeed, such aggression is negatively associated with women’s autonomy needs (Bengesai & Khan, Reference Bengesai and Khan2021; Tenkorang, Reference Tenkorang2018). Although most literature focuses on women’s autonomy serving as a protective factor against intimate partner violence, some scholars have argued that the association is likely bidirectional, leading to a feedback loop (Nikrouy, Mohammadi, & Samavi, Reference Nikrouy, Mohammadi and Samavi2025).

Perhaps most critically, partnered women spend more time on domestic work relevant to the relationship than their male partners. For instance, women play a larger role in raising the offspring that so commonly result from romantic relationships (Negraia, Augustine, & Prickett, Reference Negraia, Augustine and Prickett2018; Trivers, Reference Trivers and Campbell1972), a difference that remains and may even strengthen following dissolution (Leopold, Reference Leopold2018). Furthermore, mothers spend significantly more time on housework per week (M = 31.1) than do fathers (M = 21.0), which can have lasting physiological impacts (Saxbe, Repetti, & Graesch, Reference Saxbe, Repetti and Graesch2011). Although such increased responsibility may offer boosts to women’s (versus men’s) competence, time is a finite resource, and thus, such increased domesticity comes at the cost of autonomy and competence in other domains of life (e.g., non-romantic social relationships, work; Gray, Ozer, & Rosenthal, Reference Gray, Ozer and Rosenthal2017).

Yet, despite these potential costs of intact relationships, there is also evidence that women may suffer more from relationship dissolution than do men. Wahring et al. highlight that men are more likely than women to suffer psychologically from dissolution due to the loss of intimacy. Nevertheless, this observed gender difference in psychological well-being is relatively short-lived; men often adapt quickly, experiencing levels of well-being, life satisfaction, and loneliness that are similar to women within 2–3 years of dissolution (Leopold, Reference Leopold2018). In contrast, women are more likely than men to suffer from financial challenges following dissolution (e.g., significant loss in household income, increased risk of poverty) that are more chronic, and thus, have negative impacts on their autonomy and competence needs for years to come (Leopold, Reference Leopold2018).

Wahring et al. argue with their title that “romantic relationships matter more to men than to women.” If by “matter” they mean in a positive way, we might agree; they make a compelling case that romantic relationships better help men meet their relatedness needs. Nevertheless, relationships also have important implications for people’s autonomy and competence needs, and as our few examples suggest, relationships can be a bigger threat to women’s well-being than to men’s. Given that “bad is stronger than good” (Baumeister et al., Reference Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Finkenauer and Vohs2001), one might argue that romantic relationships matter more to women than to men.

That said, it is important to clarify that the implications of romantic relationships for women’s need fulfillment are not necessarily negative. Although some men are more likely to couple support with opposition, many do not; although some men engage in physical aggression, many others do not; and although women are burdened with more parenting and household responsibilities on average, there is tremendous variability in these differences. As others have argued, women’s comparatively lower social and financial standing in society (see Eagly & Wood, Reference Eagly and Wood1999) makes them more dependent on their romantic partners for power and status compared to men (Budgeon, Reference Budgeon2016). In other words, women may have more to lose and more to gain from romantic relationships.

Regardless of whether relationships matter more to men versus women, one thing is likely certain: the extent of their impact likely depends strongly on the quality of the relationship. Whereas a high-quality relationship enhances relatedness (perhaps more so for men) as well as competence and autonomy (perhaps more so for women), low-quality relationships undermine well-being for both. Given the highly contextual nature of relationship processes (McNulty, Meltzer, Neff, & Karney, Reference McNulty, Meltzer, Neff and Karney2021), future research may benefit from considering the ways in which gender, psychological fulfillment (relatedness, competence, and autonomy), and relationship quality interact to predict well-being.