It is a provocative thesis that romantic relationships are valued more – perhaps unknowingly – by men than by women. Men may well be more likely than women to view their partners as their primary social support source and to be less likely to initiate divorce, but a full analysis of this situation suggests another story. A theoretical analysis takes advantage of broad variability in the magnitude of study outcomes and posits that the social milieu matters a great deal to dynamics between genders. Hence, the focus should be not only on the benefits of romantic relationships but also their costs.

Heterogeneity across studies of any psychological phenomenon is very nearly universal, even in well-conducted meta-analyses (e.g., Stanley, Carter, & Doucouliagos & Doucouliagos, Reference Stanley, Carter and Doucouliagos2018). With romantic relationships, heterogeneity is formally confirmed in meta-analyses focused on gender differences (cf., e.g., Frankenbach et al., Reference Frankenbach, Weber, Loschelder, Kilger and Friese2022; Sbarra, Law, & Portley & Portley, Reference Sbarra, Law and Portley2011; Whisman & Balzert, Reference Whisman and Balzert2024). Similarly, there are exceptions to a universal statement that males always value romantic relationships more than females, or M>F, such as equivalent suicide rates in men and women in certain nations (Øien-Ødegaard, Hauge, & Reneflot & Reneflot, Reference Øien-Ødegaard, Hauge and Reneflot2021). Moreover, confounds, such as sex differences in disclosing negative information (Carbone et al., Reference Carbone, Loewenstein, Scopelliti and Vosgerau2024), may contribute to skewed assessments of life satisfaction and relationship problems. Such results speak to the potentially strong cultural boundaries that may well regulate M>W effects and make them less than universal. The strong implication is that gender differences in how much romantic relationships matter vary widely across studies.

Given the heterogeneity in the romantic relationship literature, future meta-analyses of study outcomes should advance a priori moderation hypotheses about why study results differ. Drawing on ecological theory (e.g., Gelfand et al., Reference Gelfand, Raver, Nishii, Leslie, Lun, Lim, Duan, Almaliacg, Ang, Arnadottir, Aycan, Boehnke, Boski, Cabecinas, Chan, Chhokar, D’Amato, Ferrer, Fischlmayr and Yamaguchi2011; Johnson et al., Reference Johnson, Redding, DiClemente, Mustanski, Dodge, Sheeran and Fishbein2010), we hypothesize that (a) M>W especially when the culture is dominated by long-term couplings (e.g., marriage is the norm and divorce is not; Diener et al., Reference Diener, Gohm, Suh and Oishi2000); (b) M>W especially in tight versus loose cultures (Gelfand et al., Reference Gelfand, Raver, Nishii, Leslie, Lun, Lim, Duan, Almaliacg, Ang, Arnadottir, Aycan, Boehnke, Boski, Cabecinas, Chan, Chhokar, D’Amato, Ferrer, Fischlmayr and Yamaguchi2011); (c) M>W in more culturally sexist cultures (Johnson & Curley, Reference Johnson and Curley2021); and (d) M>W to the extent that the research derives from WEIRD cultures (where WEIRD = Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic; Heinrich, Heine, & Norenzayan, Reference Henrich, Heine and Norenzayan2010). A plausible mechanism that underlies such patterns is unequal gender-related distribution of labor and financial dependence (Eagly & Wood, Reference Eagly and Wood2012). This analysis also suggests that to understand when one gender values romantic relationships more than another needs a richer assessment. Namely, one must consider emotional and cognitive, as well as tangible, labor necessary to maintaining households and romantic relationships, burdens that usually fall disproportionately on women (Ferrara & Vergara, Reference Ferrara and Vergara2024).

At least three roles within relationships are assumed disproportionately by women: (a) the burden of maintaining romantic relationships; (b) the burden of maintaining the household and its related duties; and (c) navigating lower sexual drive. Numerous studies support the conclusion that women undertake a larger role in maintaining romantic relationships (Dykstra & de Jong Gierveld, Reference Dykstra and de Jong Gierveld2004; Liao et al., Reference Liao, McMunn, Mejía and Brunner2018; Ogolsky & Bowers, Reference Ogolsky and Bowers2013; Umberson et al., Reference Umberson, Chen, House, Hopkins and Slaten1996). Similarly, research consistently finds that women are expected to assume responsibilities over household chores and child-rearing (Ervin et al., Reference Ervin, Taouk, Alfonzo, Hewitt and King2022; Haupt & Gelbgiser, Reference Haupt and Gelbgiser2024; Reich-Stieber, Froehlich, & Voltmer, Reference Reich-Stiebert, Froehlich and Voltmer2023). This disparity holds even when women work outside of the home as a dual earner, as the cognitive labor of scheduling, keeping track of homework, and the emotional labor of family stability and cohesion generally falls on women (Ciciolla & Luthar, Reference Ciciolla and Luthar2019; Curran et al., Reference Curran, McDaniel, Pollitt and Totenhagen2015; Friedman, Reference Friedman2015; Robertson et al., Reference Robertson, Anderson, Hall and Kim2019). In the context of sexual intimacy, women often calibrate their sexual activities to match their partner’s desires (Herbenick Mullinax, & Mark, Reference Herbenick, Mullinax and Mark2014). Moreover, these emotional, cognitive, and sexual burdens are demonstrably related to psychological costs to women, which may contribute to the greater benefits in psychological and mental health experienced by men (Aviv et al., Reference Aviv, Waizman, Kim, Liu, Rodsky and Saxbe2025; Eek & Axmon, Reference Eek and Axmon2015; Meyer et al., Reference Meyer, Zill, Dilba, Gerlach and Schumann2021; Zamberlan, Gioachin, & Gritti, Reference Zamberlan, Gioachin and Gritti2021).

Indeed, in the West, expectations that women are expected to undertake such costs are increasing, not decreasing, even as their need for the tangible resources traditionally provided through marriage are decreasing (Eagly et al., Reference Eagly, Nater, Miller, Kaufmann and Sczesny2020). Relationship maintenance competencies such as communication, knowledge of one’s partner, and self-management generally are more developed and sophisticated for women (Epstein et al., Reference Epstein, Warfel, Johnson, Smith and McKinney2013). The fact that men in romantic relationships often do not rely on other social network members, therefore, has the ironic implication that they may pose an unequal burden on their partners to be their sole source of emotional comfort. In contrast, if women are putting in effort not because they necessarily choose to do so, but rather due to social norms that instill guilt and shame for women who do not assume these roles – effort may not be undertaken by men so long as women continue to enact their expected roles in romantic relationships.

Finally, perhaps because of the costs we have documented, many women report that they are happier in singlehood than men (Hoan & MacDonald, Reference Hoan and MacDonald2024). This tendency suggests that women may feel they have more to lose and less to gain from entering a romantic relationship that does not meet their needs and expectations – a logical explanation for why women are not more likely to seek a new partner (p. 23). In short, contemporary women may be wary of romantic relationships and their potential costs. Given this pretext, it is only natural that they should be slower to fall in love and express commitment (Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li & Li, Reference Ackerman, Griskevicius and Li2011; Harrison & Shortall, Reference Harrison and Shortall2011).

In the end, men may experience greater benefits than women in romantic relationships. An accurate model of whether one gender has more of a need, desire, or value for romantic relationships than another should give credence to the ecological needs of individuals and their networks along with a consideration of resources at their disposal. Women arguably are a more dominant and singular resource for men in romantic relationships, whereas for women, many relationships offer emotional support and other resources, not just romantic relationships (Ferrara & Vergara, Reference Ferrara and Vergara2024; Hoan & MacDonald, Reference Hoan and MacDonald2024). No matter whether one gender or another generally values romantic relationships more, one should not lose sight of a basic truth: Relationships most benefit all concerned when they are reciprocal, equitable, trusting, and mutually emotionally supportive.