The authors Wahring, Simpson, & Van Lange identify a tension between the widely held assumption that romantic love holds greater significance for women than for men and recent empirical findings that suggest precisely the opposite. To account for men’s greater real-life need for romantic relationships, they draw on process models that demonstrate the unequal distribution of opportunities for emotional intimacy and support between men and women from an early age. Yet, this leaves one key question unanswered: What sustains the persistence of this distorted belief ?

As Wahring, Simpson, & Van Lange observe, popular media consistently portray women as more romantic than men – an image that aligns with the stereotypical ways women are depicted in mainstream media (Ward & Grower, Reference Ward and Grower2020). They, thus, implicitly link the widely held assumption that women are more emotionally invested in love to the media’s stereotypical portrayals of romantic relationships. This is consistent with a long-standing view in media studies that mass media significantly shape our beliefs, often in ways that overshadow or contradict viewers’ real-life circumstances (Gerbner, Reference Gerbner1979). Yet, it has also often been taken for granted that such beliefs directly inform our attitudes and social behavior. Wahring, Simpson, and Van Lange demonstrate that media influence is not so straightforward; the deeper forces shaping our emotional lives lie in the gendered norms of emotional expression and intimacy that are learned early and reinforced through socialization.

Romantic love offers a particularly telling example. Media research frequently characterizes portrayals of romantic love as unrealistic, often citing recurring clichés as “love at a first sight,” “happily ever after,” and “love conquers all” (Rios, Smith, & Locke, Reference Rios, Smith and Locke2024). These idealized representations are widely argued to encourage viewers to internalize and pursue a vision of love that rarely exists in real life, leading to disillusionment and frustration (Galician, Reference Galician2004; Segrin & Nabi, Reference Segrin and Nabi2002; Reizer & Hetsroni, Reference Reizer and Hetsroni2014). Although some research indicates that the influence of such portrayals may vary depending on social context and aesthetic framing (Hefner & Wilson, Reference Hefner and Wilson2013; Lippman, Ward, & Seabrook, Reference Lippman, Ward and Seabrook2014) – and can, in certain cases, be interpreted as uplifting or instructive rather than simply a source of frustration – the consensus holds that media representations exert a significant effect on viewers’ romantic attitudes and expectations.

Some studies indicate that the effect of romantic media portrayals on viewers’ attitudes may be relatively short-lived (Driesmans, Vandenbosch, & Eggermont, Reference Driesmans, Vandenbosch and Eggermont2016); however, longitudinal research on this topic remains limited. By drawing attention to the reversal between how male and female attitudes toward romantic love are depicted in media and how they manifest in empirical findings, Wahring, Simpson, & Van Lange implicitly challenge the assumption of a direct impact of media on real-life attitudes. This disconnection becomes all the more significant when we consider that women are both widely perceived and empirically shown to consume more romantic films and television content than men (Wühr, Lange, & Schwarz, Reference Wühr, Lange and Schwarz2017).

The gender-based disjunction between psychological research and media representations of romantic relationships raises the question of whether the impact of mass media on beliefs and social behavior is itself shaped by the viewer’s gender. In particular, why do repeated portrayals of women as more romantic not result in women being more romantic in reality? Since the early development of feminist film theory (Mulvey, Reference Mulvey1975, Reference Mulvey1981), it has been argued – though not uncontroversially (e.g., hooks, Reference Hooks and Hooks1992) – that the spectatorial position offered by Hollywood cinema is not determined by the viewer’s gender: both female and male audiences are invited to adopt male-oriented perspectives, which dominate mainstream cinematic narratives. Empirical research on spectatorship and character identification supports this view, indicating that character’s agency – their narrative centrality and capacity to act – plays a more significant role in fostering identification than gender similarity alone (Cohen, Reference Cohen2001; Cohen, Weimann-Saks, & Mazor-Tregerman, Reference Cohen, Weimann-Saks and Mazor-Tregerman2018).

The persistence of the widely held assumption about the inherently romantic nature of women – despite empirical evidence indicating that men, rather than women, are more in need of romance and emotional intimacy – suggests that our society continues to adopt the male perspective as the normative one. The idea that women are naturally more romantic reflects not an empirical truth but an idealized projection shaped by male desire, one that is adopted and internalized across gender lines. While feminist film theory has traditionally focused on the objectifying sexualization of women, its framework can be extended to address portrayals of women’s alleged romantic nature (Devereaux, Reference Devereaux1990).

From a feminist standpoint, this is not a neutral misrepresentation but a mechanism of social power. Against the backdrop of theories positing a conceptual or evolutionary linkage between love and care (Bode, Reference Bode2023), portraying women as emotionally predisposed to romance serves to naturalize their association with caregiving. This, in turn, contributes to the disproportionate burden women bear in unpaid emotional labor and their overrepresentation in undervalued caregiving professions – roles that, paradoxically, may give them greater access to emotional intimacy.

The contrast between empirical findings – suggesting that romantic love holds greater significance for men in cisgender relationships – and the way love is portrayed in popular media does not mean that such portrayals are without influence. Rather, it draws attention to the ways in which media help normalize a particular narrative perspective, one that shapes the cultural vocabulary through which love is imagined, evaluated, and discussed. The women depicted as seeking, embracing, or mourning love are not psychologically realistic characters, but narrative constructs that express a dominant point of view. It is not the reality depicted that informs our beliefs and behavior, but the perspective through which it is shown.