We congratulate Wahring et al. on publishing this thorough literature review on how romantic relationships matter more to men than to women. Drawing on a wide range of interdisciplinary research, the authors make a compelling case that romantic relationships tend to play a more central role in men’s psychological and physical well-being than in women’s. They attribute this pattern to gender differences in access to intimacy and emotional support.

While we agree with this overall conclusion, we argue that gender differences in the centrality of romantic relationships are a complex, context-dependent phenomenon that requires particular care in interpretation. As the authors already acknowledge, their conclusions may not hold equally across all groups but vary as a function of life stage and sociocultural context. Therefore, we would like to extend this line of thinking and focus on the broader developmental context in which gender differences emerge. Specifically, in accordance with life-span theorists (e.g., Baltes, Lindenberger, & Staudinger, Reference Baltes, Lindenberger, Staudinger, Damon and Lerner2007; Bronfenbrenner, Reference Bronfenbrenner1986; Levinson, Reference Levinson1986; Mayer, Reference Mayer2003; Schaie, Reference Schaie1965), we argue that three types of contextual influences – age-graded, history-graded, and individually graded – shape both the overall centrality of romantic relationships for the well-being of men and women, and the extent to which gender differences emerge.

As Wahring et al. note, the majority of studies they reviewed focus on young adults. We argue that gender differences in the centrality of romantic relationships are likely to be particularly pronounced during this life stage, as it is marked by key relationship-related transitions such as marriage and parenthood (Mehta et al., Reference Mehta, Arnett, Palmer and Nelson2020). These transitions often come with gendered expectations about roles and responsibilities. For instance, men may be expected to be providers, while women may feel more pressure to balance childcare and career demands (Fillo et al., Reference Fillo, Simpson, Rholes and Kohn2015). These role expectations can influence how important romantic relationships are to the identity and well-being of men and women.

But what about earlier and later stages of life? During adolescence, even though it reflects a time of first romantic relationship experiences (Gonzalez Avilés, Finn, & Neyer, Reference Gonzalez Avilés, Finn and Neyer2021), many adolescents primarily focus on other developmental tasks, such as building peer relationships, forming a sense of identity, and gaining independence from their parents (Furman & Shaffer, Reference Furman, Shaffer and Florsheim2003). Thus, romantic relationships tend to be more exploratory, and gender roles may be less defined. Similarly, in middle adulthood and onwards, romantic relationships may become less of a priority. This is because romantic relationships often compete with other major life demands such as parenting, employment, or caregiving responsibilities (Infurna, Gerstorf, & Lachman, Reference Infurna, Gerstorf and Lachman2020). Thus, the differences between men and women in how important they view romantic relationships may also begin to narrow, as both start experiencing reduced reliance on their romantic partners.

Over the last decades, romantic relationships have become less central in the lives of younger generations: adolescents today place less emphasis on romantic relationships as a source of happiness (Scheling & Richter, Reference Scheling and Richter2021), are more frequently single, and express higher satisfaction with being single (Gonzalez Avilés et al., Reference Gonzalez Avilés, Bühler, Brandt and Neyer2024). Since the 1970s, marriage and commitment rates have steadily decreased across Western societies, while divorce and singlehood have become more common and accepted (OECD, 2022).

We argue that the greater centrality of romantic relationships for men than women represents a more recent phenomenon, which was not necessarily the case in earlier generations. Historically, women were financially and socially dependent on their male partners, which made romantic relationships more significant for them (Tillman, Brewster, & Holway, Reference Tillman, Brewster and Holway2019). Over time, however, women’s increased education and labor force participation have reduced their structural dependence on romantic partners, thus reducing and even reversing the direction of gender differences. Regarding future changes, we anticipate that gender differences will become smaller or disappear entirely in the future. This is due to increasingly flexible gender roles, especially in Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic (WEIRD) societies. For instance, women have become less likely to identify with traditionally feminine traits and more likely to endorse masculine ones such as assertiveness and confidence (Donnelly & Twenge, Reference Donnelly and Twenge2017). At the same time, men have shown a steady rise in communal traits like warmth and emotional sensitivity (Hsu et al., Reference Hsu, Badura, Newman and Speach2021). These shifts suggest that men and women are becoming more alike in how they value emotional support from romantic partners.

Beyond age and historical context, individual personality traits and life circumstances play a critical role in how men and women experience romantic relationships. We believe that characteristics beyond gender can explain why romantic relationships are more important for some individuals than for others. For example, individuals who are anxiously attached tend to place greater importance on romantic relationships and are less satisfied when they are single (MacDonald & Park, Reference MacDonald and Park2022). Similarly, physical and mental health challenges can heighten the reliance on romantic partners, especially when other sources of support are lacking (Gallant, Reference Gallant2003). Individuals with fewer social connections outside their romantic relationships tend to depend more heavily on their romantic relationships for emotional support (Walen & Lachman, Reference Walen and Lachman2000). In addition, life transitions such as job loss or financial hardship could make people more financially dependent on their romantic partners. These individual characteristics may also interact with gender, resulting in different experiences for men and women. For example, women facing health challenges may, on average, cope more effectively than men because they tend to draw on broader social networks for support.

While romantic relationships may, on average, matter more to men than to women, these gender differences are far from static. Rather, they are shaped by the dynamic interplay of age-graded, history-graded, and individually graded forces. We commend Wahring et al. for their ambitious and insightful synthesis, and we encourage further research to further broaden the lens by attending to the contextual factors that shape the meaning of romantic relationships in people’s lives.