Kruglanski et al. provide a novel formula for falling in love that includes the “Quest for Significance” (Kruglanski et al.,) as a drive for falling in love. There are three elements to the formula for falling in love: 1. merit of the attractive person; 2. appreciation shown by the attractive person (reciprocal feelings); and 3. the pursuer’s need for signs that they are significant – that they matter. Each element interacts with the others, as with any formula, and can vary within a given situation such that if the target person is high on one element but low on another, the high element can make up for the low-scoring element. Although the formula is primarily for “falling in love,” and is very useful for the early stages of a relationship, it is an important contribution to the whole love and relationship field.

The question asked by Kruglanski et al. is different from, Who do we fall in love with? Or, What is love? Or, Why do we, as humans, fall in love? Or, What makes for a good, lasting love relationship? The question they ask is, “Can we predict if an individual will fall in love with someone whom they know something about? But not much?” It is not a love-at-first-sight question. It does not apply to the “Some Enchanted Evening” situation where the actor sees a stranger across a crowded room. Instead, there is some information about the person beyond looks to give them merit or not, and there has been enough interaction to feel appreciated or not. Kruglanski et al.’s question and its answer apply nicely to situations of “slow love” that Helen Fisher has described (Fisher & Garcia, Reference Fisher, Garcia, Sternberg and Sternberg2018) and may be useful to people in the throes of that process: love growing from friendship. Slow love engagement may be informed by Kruglasnski et al.’s model and variables. Also, some very popular research has helped people “fall in love” or renew it with 36 Questions that lead to intimacy (Aron et al., Reference Aron, Melinat, Aron, Vallone and Bator1997; Catron, Reference Catron2015, a most-read New York Times article for Modern Love). The predictive formula of Kruglanski et al. may be useful in relationship quests that use tools like the 36 Questions.

A major conclusion of the report is that we humans fall in love in part to satisfy a drive to be loved by someone who lends us Significance. Social Significance. The love relationship brings us Significance, helping to satisfy a larger basic human drive that seeks Significance (Kuglanski et al., Reference Kruglanski, Molinario, Jasko, Webber, Leander and Pierro2022). Although Kruglanski et al. nod to the neurophysiological interests of other researchers to measure and characterize romantic love (they cite Esch & Stefano, Reference Esch and Stefano2005), they ignore the research that invokes physiological drives.

So, how does their formula/model compare to other models that are dependent on brain physiology, like love as a developed form of a mammalian drive to pursue preferred mates? (Aron et al., Reference Aron, Fisher, Mashek, Strong, Li and Brown2005; Xu et al., Reference Xu, Aron, Brown, Cao, Feng and Weng2011) Or, love as a natural addiction? (Fisher et al., Reference Fisher, Xu, Aron and Brown2016) Or, is married altruistic love genetically influenced as well as an evolutionary phenomenon (Acevedo, Poulin, & Brown, Reference Acevedo, Poulin and Brown2019)? First, neurophysiological research has addressed the love experience, not what variables are important for falling in love. Second, for the love experience, Helen Fisher’s conclusions in Aron et al. (Reference Aron, Fisher, Mashek, Strong, Li and Brown2005) and other studies invoke mammalian evolution and a survival context beginning with the brainstem, whereas the Quest for Significance is more cognitive and involves more neocortical functions influenced more than the evolutionary view by things like culture. This does not mean that the Quest for Significance did not evolve, also, perhaps as part of a protective mechanism that a mother provides for an infant; but the Quest for Significance is more complex, variable, and more malleable by experience of the individual than drives for survival. Deprivation of Significance may increase the drive to find it, but it does not lead to death such as food or water deprivation. I speculate that suicide from loss of a romantic partner is more common than suicide from loss of an Olympic gold medal. The Quest for Significance includes a complex cognitive set of feelings, unlike the pressure of survival systems and genetic factors identified by neurophysiological studies as part of the love experience (e.g. Acevedo et al., Reference Acevedo, Poulin and Brown2019). It adds quality of life factors that are not necessary for the survival of the species (like sex) but greatly enhance the love experience and its continuation for the individual. Understanding and adding the Quest for Significance to love’s characteristics is an important contribution.

Many investigations of love address the experience of love, or being in love rather than falling in love, and Kruglanski et al., suggest that their formula applies to the love experience, as well as to falling in love. Indeed, they cite plenty of research suggesting that ongoing perceptions of a partner’s merit, and appreciation by the long-term partner, play a significant role in maintaining a satisfying relationship. The Quest for Significance, and gaining it, is a new concept to add to the love experience and ongoing relationship satisfaction. It may be useful for therapists and their clients to consider how deep the need is to acquire Significance via another person.

This report has many strengths. It is a wide-ranging and interesting review of the love and relationship literature. The authors acknowledge that some of the studies cited are indirect proxies of the feelings of love. The model is novel and enhances other formulations of love, its characteristics, and reasons for its existence. The suggestions for further research are compelling. A possible weakness is the suggestion that Significance gained from love can be substituted by gaining Significance in other areas, like professional accomplishment. Certainly, love relationships can be temporarily relinquished for other goals, but the Significance gained by romance and love may be unique in that it may be impossible to find lasting substitutes, probably because it is so important to our individual and species survival, as the brain studies have suggested. But, of course, more research is needed.